May 30, 2010

Stream of Consciousness

The past two days have been a whirlwind. Yesterday morning, I got a call from a family in OKC interested in meeting with me about a nanny position. I was thrilled. Within five minutes of the phone call, my resume was emailed and my plans were made. I decided to head to OKC on Friday night, spend some much needed time with Tim, and then interview on Saturday.  My whole outlook on this summer had changed in a just a few minutes. Before the call on Thursday, I had been consistently praying for God to help me see His will and to follow it- even if that meant being home for the summer. But then I got the call and like a complete yuppy, assumed this was God's answer. 

I was wrong. 

To make a long story short, I got a second phone call on Saturday morning from the family I was supposed to interview with. They called while I was still asleep, so I woke up to a voicemail informing me that they had decided to "go in a different direction regarding childcare" and that they would no longer be meeting with me. 

So, there's that. I have to keep telling myself that God's timing is HIS timing and that I need to be patient, but this string of disappointment makes patience seem unattainable. 

Also- today marks 7 years since my best friend, Rachel, was killed.  If you get a chance, say a little prayer for her family and friends that are still dealing with the pain that accompanies that type of loss. One day I hope to blog about the amazing person she was. My life was changed for the better having known her. 


Sorry for such a whiny/depressing post. Just had to get that all off my chest. 

Disappointed, but confident that rain brings new life, 


May 27, 2010

Home

It has been a weird few days. I have spent the majority my time loving on Sawyer or cleaning. Bless. This house needs some serious work. Between Sunday night and today, I have successfully cleaned out everything in my room, reorganized, and replaced everything. I have added a few more "adult" touches to my oh-so-high-school walls and made Sawyer and myself a nice, little nest. (Complete with a newly added crate, Tammy. Be proud!)

Apparently, something snapped inside of me some time in the last four years and this desire to be... gasp... organized and tidy has almost overcome me. I have found myself longing for consistency and order.

I know. I know. This is coming from the girl who will drive to any friend at any time of night or decide to see a midnight premiere an hour before. And while I still love those type of things and yearn for spontaneity, when it comes to home, the place I find myself starting and ending my day- it's in these places that I need that order.

Several years ago, my dear friend Sarah introduced me to a Maya Angelou quotation that has found a special place in my heart.

I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself. 

If I ever had to write a book, I think this would serve as my thesis. 

I have come to find that a bed, 
or a favorite chair, 
or a structure with walls 
is not what home means to me. 

Blame it on the shaky pre/mid adolescence family instability and the college transfer/constant room-ate switches, but I have yet to find this idea of home in any sort of physical dwelling. 

Home for me is a state of mind. It is not easily described in words, but in feelings. Feelings that come from the moments and people that I'm sure God placed in my path to remind me of His love.

Fortunately for me, because of this act of love, I am slowly learning to be at home wherever I find myself. 

And despite my desperate attempt to fight any sort of feeling of home here this summer, I must admit that the moments shared with my folks, JT, my brother (who has also decided to come home for the summer- story to follow later), Tim (on the phone, unfortunately) and a few people here in Mesquite have made me feel, well, at home. 

God truly is good. 

Random little Cara update: I went to the Dr. today bc of the awful coughing (usually leading to vomit) fits I have been having. The doc gave me a shot (in an awful, awful place) and several meds that I will be on for a while. Diagnosis: severe sinus and allergic reaction to life... or nature... or something. Anyways- yay for modern medicine.

Probably too tired and drugged to be writing, 

May 24, 2010

Puppy, intersession, and OKC

The sweat is still on my forehead from sitting outside with a difficult puppy, begging him to poop. This could just be me, but I never fantasized about waiting in the Texas heat for 20 minutes with a reluctant 8 pound poop machine (who, unfortunately, seems to "perform"better indoors.)

Don't get me wrong, Sawyer really is a precious puppy. But that in itself is where the trouble lies. He's a puppy. The dog equivalent of a toddler. Seriously. I can't leave anything relatively small or hazardous around and I'm wanting to pull my hair out with this whole "potty training" business. Bless. It's not calculus. 

Grass + puppy + release of bladder/bowels = a happy, first time (puppy) mom. I reward with an embarrassing display of "good boys" and even a treat. What am I doing wrong? 

In fact, with all of the accidents inside the house,  I have found myself claiming that a puppy is much more tedious to care for than a baby. Babies poop into something. There's no "where's the smell coming from" mystery. Sure, it may leak a little. But I would much rather bathe a baby than spend a ridiculous amount of time searching not for a treasure, but for a pile of stinky puppy poop. Yes- babies are much easier. And while I'm convinced of this theory for now, Lord help me if I end up with one of those babies that scare women back to their pre-marital abstinence. 

On a happier note, Sawyer is sleeping mostly through the night. (about 11pm-7am) I suppose he picked up those hours while I was in intersession. 

Oh, yeah- intersession. It's barely been a week since my final and already it feels like months ago. The class was interesting, but difficult due to the quick pace of it all. Learning the ins and outs of Earth Science in two weeks is quite a feat. I did it, though, and am one step closer to my diploma. 

Speaking of my diploma, I got the much anticipated "You are cleared to graduate on December 18, 2010 from Harding University" email from the registrar this morning. I squealed like a Jonas Brother when I read it. Mom and Dad's anniversary is the 19th, so I'm unashamedly considering my graduation their present. Judge. 

I'll end with some (bad )news, because even though it depresses me right now, I know God is weaving something together that will make me slap myself for doubting His plan. 

The house I was going to live in this summer fell through. A contract mishap with the current inhabitants delayed their move and subsequently left me without a home.  

After three failed living arrangements and no luck finding a job in Oklahoma City, my parents gently suggested that maybe God was trying to tell me something. I knew what they meant by something. It's the thing they've been wanting since I left for college four years ago- a summer with me at home. For the last three summers, I have been happily occupied (distracted) interning with two different churches and becoming a pseudo adult. But now I'm here. Almost 22. Unemployed. Sharing one bathroom with my parents. 

So much changes from 18 to 21. There is no doubt in my mind that the girl that left Mesquite for Edmond, Oklahoma four years ago is now a very different young woman. And while this is far from a negative thing, it is cause for conflict when living at home for a significant period of time. 

I know I should be thankful. There is a roof over my head and I have food to eat. But I won't lie. I am more than disappointed about the change in plans. 

I'll say it again, though- I know God is weaving something together that will make me slap myself for doubting His plan. 

Ironically enough, I posted this quote as my Facebook status last week, before all this mess happened-

God's providence will not take me where His grace will not sustain me. 

Practice what you preach, Cara. Practice what you preach. 

Here's a little something to make you smile: 
Me, Sawyer, and my amazing nephew, JT. 


Have a good week,

May 5, 2010

'Cause I'm almost there...

Have you seen "The Princess and the Frog?" *Sigh* It's adorable. If you haven't seen it, come to my house now! I will gladly watch it with you.

I am, without a doubt, a child at heart. This movie went right to the top of my favorite Disney movie list within the first 20 minutes. Why? Because of the song, "Almost There."

Yes, the animation is classic.
Yes, the storyline is precious.
But there's just something about that song.

Since Monday, I have had this song stuck in my head and appropriately so.

Here I am.
2 tests away from the end of the semester.
2 weeks away from summer.
One semester away from graduation.

Oh yes- this song fits perfectly...

I don't have time for dancing
That's just gonna have to wait a while
Ain't got time for messing around
And it's not my style
This old town can slow you down
People taking the easy way
But I know exactly where I'm going
Getting closer and closer every day

And I'm almost there, I'm almost there
People down here think I'm crazy, but I don't care
Trials and tribulations, I've had my share
There ain't nothing gonna stop me now 'cause I'm almost there

I remember Daddy told me, "Fairytales can come true
You gotta make 'em happen, it all depends on you"
So I work real hard each and every day
Now things for sure are going my way
Just doing what I do
Look out boys, I'm coming through

And I'm almost there, I'm almost there
People gonna come here from everywhere
And I'm almost there
I'm almost there

There's been trials and tribulations
You know I've had my share
But I've climbed the mountain, I've crossed the river
And I'm almost there, I'm almost there
I'm almost there!

I know, I know. It's super cheesy. But when I find inspiration, be it from Wordsworth, Jesus,  or Disney, I embrace it. 

Anxious for the next chapter,

May 4, 2010

April

The past few weeks have literally FLOWN by. (Sidenote- after watching HIMYM the other day I started to question my use of the word "literally." While the weeks did not sprout wings and FLY away, "literally" just rolls of the tongue...fingers?...easier than "figuratively").

And what better way to catch all ten (whew) of my readers up than by posting a sequence of pictures with (attempted) witty captions?

Spring Sing:

All of the Ensemble girls in our "Two Worlds" digs.

Some of the girls in our "Brother's and Sister's" outfits (my favorite!)
Also- let's talk about how long my hair is getting! (SMILE)

Post-show pic with the boyfriend. 
He was great at taking care of me during the whole jaw injury mess.
Love is- making your swollen and bruised girlfriend feel beautiful 
regardless of the large amount of pain medicine in her system. 

I couldn't have asked for a better group to share my last year in Ensemble with.
Peace, love, & "deer" pose!

I do not have enough words to tell of the lessons I have learned from this amazing woman. Dottie Frye will always be a hero in my book. 

Chi Banquet:

Oh, the kilt. 
There are so many things I could say about this, but I will refrain. 
I will mention, however, that I thoroughly enjoyed how squeamish Tim was while driving in a skirt. 

Table pic. I'm pretty sure this was during one of the speeches.
Whoops. 

And, of course, we had to have a silly picture!

So often, I find myself questioning the sincerity of phrases like, 
"Oh, I've missed you!" 
"Come back to OC!"
etc.
However, this lady has always been genuine and sweet to me.
And aside from a bible class, Amber and I were never that close at OC.
But she is one of the sweetest and kind hearted women I know. 
When she tells me that she wishes I was still at OC, I know she means it. 
(Say a little prayer right now for Amber and her family. 
Her mom is dealing with lung cancer and could use some prayer!)

The next pics are of the newest man in my life, Sawyer. He is a 13 week old Jack Russell Terrier who has stolen my heart.

Sweet Sawyer

Last, but not least, DGR Formal:

Our formal was at the Children's Discovery Museum in Downtown Little Rock
This meant lots of fun pictures!

This face cracks me up. Tim was testing his flexibility.

Just being silly during dinner. 

Our table.

I wanted to take a funny picture with my glass. 
Little did I know that Drew was creepin' in the background. :)

Tim wanted a "fancy" picture with his glass, too.

I love him so stinkin' much. Plus, we make a pretty cute couple!

Just checkin for "bats in the cave." 

Miss Neely Ann

My good friend and formal date 09', Nate. 

DGR Seniors and Beaux

Tim is smiling because he just ripped his pants. 
Seriously. He did. It was hilarious.

Maybe I do have Native American heritage?

He's a goof. I love it. 

Before you judge too harshly- the sign on the wall said "Hore Colony."
I was just... well... who cares, it's funny. 

I guess Tim is a fan of the "Hore Colony."

Attractive, right? :) 

I was a tinsy bit too short to fit perfectly. 

Tim was pretty excited about the Wheel of Fate. 

Pretty sure it landed on something like "death by pirates." :/

Keepin' warm by the "fire."

Rollin' on the river, duh. 

Catching some fish for dinner. 

Sawing some wood. 
Also- note the un-tucked shirt. He was hiding the rip. :)

giant, wooden spoon.

Showing the bear some love.
This was the last picture we got before the camera died.

That's April in a nutshell. I'm in the middle of finals week right now. They're going really well, so far.  My Earth Science intercession class starts on Monday. Two weeks of 8-12 and then I'm done. Hopefully, I'll be able to blog more regularly. No guarantees, though. 


Blessed,