Mar 24, 2011

Got a little bit more mud on my face...

I had one those moments yesterday. One of those brief periods of time when everything seems to just fit into place. My windows were down, the sun warming my face. And the wind had calmed down just enough to still tickle my hair as I drove across town to get my Chic-fil-a Chargrill & Fruit Salad fix. Having discussed one of my loves, Patty Griffin, with several people throughout the week, I naturally threw her "Living With Ghosts" album on the trusty ol' iPod and went on my merry way. Call it coincidence, fate, or divine intervention, but a familiar song came on. And here's the thing- it was exactly what I needed to hear.

...The years will bring a bigger scheme of things and make a pretty memory out of my disgrace.

So we dig our heels in and wonder who's gonna win.
Who is gonna win it or wear it out.
I change the lock on the door or learn how to take a little more.
I can outrun all of the devils there, but never the doubt.
Try not to throw all your money into 20/20 vision,
for the world won't wait on politics or indecision.

...Time will do the talkin', years will do the walkin'...time will tell ya, baby, what you can't hear now.

The woman sings truth. Quite beautifully, I might add. 

My heart and my brain have been heavy lately with thoughts of my past. Bad decisions, judgements made, mistakes, things I couldn't control, things I could control and did poorly- you get the point. And over and over, it was if the devil was right there instilling this doubt inside me. This overwhelming fear that all of those things only served to hurt me, my friendships, my attempt at friendship with people who know of my aforementioned bad decisions, and so on and so on.

Then BAM- Patty Griffin. 

I've heard these words at least a 100 times before, but yesterday it was different. Yesterday it was a calming reassurance that all of those things weren't looming in my past, just waiting there to destroy me. They were there to remind me that, as I often try to fight, I'm human. I say stupid things. My judgement isn't always sound. The things that I have been through and dealt with will only define me in the way I have chosen to handle them. And that simple redirection of thought is something I can control right now. And now, more clearly than back then, I can understand the lessons learned. 

I hope everyone's week is going well. My weekend is starting a little early. I'm heading to Oklahoma this afternoon. Tim and I have our first pre-marital counseling session tomorrow (eeeek, a little nervous) and then I get to see the kids I worked with in Kansas on Saturday. Not to mention, my sweet friend Bailey is letting me crash with her. It's going to be a great weekend. 

What about you? Big plans? Staying in? Making a Will&Kate wedding countdown? :)

Not that I'd do anything that ridiculous,

1 comment:

Bailey Thomas said...

I'm so excited to see you!! I feel like I'll see you for, like, two seconds, but whatever.