Feb 9, 2011

Weight, what?

I had a dress fitting today.
And you know what happened?
I broke the stupid zipper.
The hook pulled and 
the zipper slid down to a more
"comfortable"
position.

Embarrassing.

After some tears and reassurance
from both of my parents,
 (who were there with me)
I still felt horrible.
They kept telling me how beautiful I looked,
but I didn't feel that way in the least.
Today I felt like a whale
and honestly, I had a hard time believing
compliments from the same people
who thought I was the cutest thing on earth 
when they were wiping poop from my tush as a little one.


And the feeling had nothing to do with my dress.
Really. 
I love my dress.
LOVE MY DRESS.
It's not about the dress at all.
(Although, I've got to stop visiting the store 
because I fall in love with a new dress 
every time I'm in there) 

I think the catalyst for this feeling
 comes down to my body.
I have jumped on and off the
exercise/healthy bandwagon
so many times.
It's time to buckle down.
Not because I wanna be a "skinny" bride,
not because I feel that I am "fat,"
and not because I think Tim with love me more
 if there's less to love.

It's simply because,
I want to FEEL beautiful on my wedding day.
And ultimately,
I want to feel beautiful every day.
I'm not there right now.

After a heart to heart with one of my bridesmaids
(who got married last summer)
I've decided to start Weight Watchers.
I'll begin tracking points and exercise tomorrow.
Woot!

Katie over at "Loves of Life"
has had success with it.
If it can help a sista with stubborn post baby weight,
I feel pretty good about my chances.

And while a good chunk of this is weight related,
I know that I also need to readjust my beliefs concerning
what real beauty is.
You know, the kind that has nothing to do with a tiny waist
or C cup breast.
It's not that I'm completely unaware of these truths,
I just forget sometimes.
(Like when my jeans don't fit or I attempt to find a swimsuit)

I'll leave you with a little sneak peak, 
because I do LOVE my dress. 


Optimistic, but a bit discouraged,

7 comments:

Lindsay said...

Aw sweetie it will be fine :) your dress looks gorgeous..cant wait to see a full pic!

Katie~Loves Of Life said...

You will love it! It's so easy :) email if you need anything!

Amber said...

Girl right there with you! You will be GORGEOUS!! Love you!

Ashley said...

I found my dress today and was having the exact same feelings, it kind of ruined a lot of the experience. I am SO glad that I am not the only bride that feels this way...this post is so encouraging!

Lauren Elise said...

I understand the desire to want to feel beautiful! It's like if I skip a few days of exercise, I literally am so hard on myself and I feel so gross. I want to be okay with not working out all the time, and not feeling fat. And like you reminded me, I want to remember what true beauty is, prov. 31! Thanks Cara Linn!

Kara said...

Eating healthy and exercise will make you feel beautiful and fantastic! It does for me.

Oh, and if you have an iphone\blackberry\smartphone, save yourself the money joining WW and get an app that tracks calories and exercise calorie burn. I have one on my iphone called LoseIt and use it religiously. It's helped me lose 55 pounds of pregnancey weight!

the artist said...

Nothing quite says "good morning sunshine, today is the day to hate your body" like someone (anyone) holding a tape measure up to you, and telling you to take a deep breath in while they zip you up. I really doubt that anyone has ever gone to a wedding dress fitting and come out feeling super stellar about themselves. The good news? (other than that i swear the zippers and buttons are all in kahoots with each other and out to make us all crazy) is that even though you think your parents are biased... the rest of us aren't your parents. And we say that you are fantastically beautiful (and will only get more so, the more beautiful you feel).

What is that song from highschool? "What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful". Crud. I might have just embarassed myself.