May 27, 2010


It has been a weird few days. I have spent the majority my time loving on Sawyer or cleaning. Bless. This house needs some serious work. Between Sunday night and today, I have successfully cleaned out everything in my room, reorganized, and replaced everything. I have added a few more "adult" touches to my oh-so-high-school walls and made Sawyer and myself a nice, little nest. (Complete with a newly added crate, Tammy. Be proud!)

Apparently, something snapped inside of me some time in the last four years and this desire to be... gasp... organized and tidy has almost overcome me. I have found myself longing for consistency and order.

I know. I know. This is coming from the girl who will drive to any friend at any time of night or decide to see a midnight premiere an hour before. And while I still love those type of things and yearn for spontaneity, when it comes to home, the place I find myself starting and ending my day- it's in these places that I need that order.

Several years ago, my dear friend Sarah introduced me to a Maya Angelou quotation that has found a special place in my heart.

I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself. 

If I ever had to write a book, I think this would serve as my thesis. 

I have come to find that a bed, 
or a favorite chair, 
or a structure with walls 
is not what home means to me. 

Blame it on the shaky pre/mid adolescence family instability and the college transfer/constant room-ate switches, but I have yet to find this idea of home in any sort of physical dwelling. 

Home for me is a state of mind. It is not easily described in words, but in feelings. Feelings that come from the moments and people that I'm sure God placed in my path to remind me of His love.

Fortunately for me, because of this act of love, I am slowly learning to be at home wherever I find myself. 

And despite my desperate attempt to fight any sort of feeling of home here this summer, I must admit that the moments shared with my folks, JT, my brother (who has also decided to come home for the summer- story to follow later), Tim (on the phone, unfortunately) and a few people here in Mesquite have made me feel, well, at home. 

God truly is good. 

Random little Cara update: I went to the Dr. today bc of the awful coughing (usually leading to vomit) fits I have been having. The doc gave me a shot (in an awful, awful place) and several meds that I will be on for a while. Diagnosis: severe sinus and allergic reaction to life... or nature... or something. Anyways- yay for modern medicine.

Probably too tired and drugged to be writing, 

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