Apr 29, 2010

stream of consciousness

While I have a blog post in the works detailing the last few weeks (banquet, formal, etc) I had to put it on hold to get all of this mess off my brain.

DISCLAIMER: Most of what I am about to type will probably be out of emotion and lack of sleep. I will most likely ramble and fail to make any real point. You can't say I didn't warn you.

I signed the official forms needed to graduate in December today. It was exciting. A little frightening, but mostly exciting.  My advisor and his secretary cheered (literally) and congratulated me. It was wonderful. 

But before I even got home, the excitement subsided. My stupid brain wouldn't let me forget that December is late. December means ANOTHER semester of college. December means six more months away from Tim. December means more debt, homework, and grades.

I'm surrounded by people who were apparently wiser than me and made the right choices. People who didn't follow someone to another school and lose hours of credit. People who knew their major before high school and had mapped out their entire college experience. People who seem to have it all together. People who make me feel like a failure. 

I'm not a failure. I know this. I'm confident of this. However, I fight this insecurity regularly. My weakness is comparison and it's impossible to completely overcome it- especially here. 

A testament to my current profession, I found comfort in a book intended for preschoolers. My boyfriend's mom (who I'm more than blessed to have) gave me a handful of books for my classroom last Christmas. One of my favorite ones is a short little story called "Ruby in Her Own Time." It's about a little duckling name Ruby who is just a little behind her brother's and sister's milestones, but manages to learn and grow in her own time. 

Granted, I'm not learning to walk or fly, but it is a nice thought to consider. I am doing things in my own time AND that's completely okay. 

Apr 12, 2010

Overwhelmed- Stream of Consciousness

Regardless of how large or small the print is, whenever I look up at the screen in my Human Sexuality class my eye always catches the awkward words. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones you have come up with nicknames for since your potty training days.

Yes- I am almost 22.
Yes- I will soon be a college graduate.
No- I am not mature enough to contain a smile or small giggle upon reading said words.

Judge accordingly.

Also, I am blogging during class. (Sorry, Mom- but it's Monday and my brain is a 1000 different places and I need to get some of it out before I attempt to be productive.)

This weekend was nice. I can't decide if I love or hate the fact that it gets harder to leave Tim every time I visit. Seriously. If it wasn't for the mess it would cause, I would seriously suggest going to the courthouse, getting married, and finishing my degree at OC. But I know all of this waiting and distance will be worth it. Reasons:

-My parents won't kill me for transferring again
-I'll finish my degree with familiar professors and friends
-Tim and I will continue to strengthen our communication skills. (Seriously- when you're 400 miles away, that's all you can do)
-I can stop pretending to be responsible (namely, with finances) and finally buckle down.

On a random note- I think I've become immune to the effects of coffee. Which is a scary thought. That warm tumbler of black coffee with a hint of creamer is what I rely on to get me through my seemingly endless days. And while I don't hate a good orange juice and Red Bull cocktail, drinking one every morning is far from healthy (and quite expensive.)

Speaking of health, I've lost four pounds.
(At least, according to my grandparent's scale, I've lost four pounds)
I'm rejoicing anyways. With the exclusion of this weekend and one night last week, I have been pretty consistent and disciplined with the whole Nutrisystem thing.

(Disclaimer- No, I did not waste my money on a program that I don't necessarily need. My dad was on it, had a TON of extra food, I didn't hate the idea of losing a few pounds, and would prefer not to buy groceries if I can. Solution? Dad's Nutrisystem leftovers.)

We're discussing contraceptives in class right now. Interesting, for sure. I had no idea that there were methods for men. Something about battery powered capsules? Awwwwwwkward. I'm all for the man taking responsibility, especially since us women folk have to carry the evidence if there is a little "whoops," but that sounds horrible. Just give me some pills, thanks.

There are three weeks of class left. Between now and then, I have the following to complete:
-a group project for Human Diversity (which I'm afraid will be mostly my work because my group is apparently unable to communicate)
-a senior seminar project over sexual harassment (I really want to use a clip from The Office. Inappropriate?)
-a ridiculously large paper for Nutrition
-a detailed description of 20 medical conditions for my Administration class (seems out of place, huh?)
-a make-up paper for Diversity. (Yeah, I'm behind :/)
-a bible paper
-a presentation of puberty for Human Sexuality
-a student led workshop

Whew. I think I might need more medication.

Allow me to vent for a minute-

Ladies of HU,
Warmer weather does not change the dress code or justify exposing your perfect legs. WE get it. You're hot. And God gave you long legs. Congratulations. But for the sake of male students (and professors) and the self-esteem of your short-legged sisters, stop with the shorter than short shorts and dresses. Seriously. Cut it out. You can distract people with your stems after May 7th.

I would apologize for the random splatter of information and thoughts, but it wouldn't be sincere.

Here's a nice picture to make up for this sad excuse of a post:

Isn't he just wonderful? I miss his sweet smile and random questions already.

overwhelmed, but still smiling,

Apr 6, 2010


During the blackout of our first number on Thursday afternoon, I got elbowed in the face. The result? Awful swelling, bruising, a concussion, xrays, a CT, and some pain meds.

Here is my awesome bruise:

I promise- Tim had nothing to do with it. See:

loopy, but thankful for meds,

Apr 4, 2010

March (Spring Break, etc)

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I am not the best blogger in the world. My thoughts are about as scattered as my posts and I'm much better at reading about other peoples' lives than writing about my own. Since I finally got the pictures from Tim that are from the last month of so, I thought I'd catch everyone up with some rockin' photos.

Long distance stinks. I often find myself reaching over to hold Tim's hand for at least a few days after I leave OKC. Moments like this one are at the top of my "best feelings ever" list.

I started Spring Break with some Spring cleaning...errrr cutting. Tim's hair had gotten a little wild and I lovingly offered (begged) to cut it.

I'm a little clumsy with the shears.

Another highlight of Spring Break was a wonderful, lunch date to Taco Bueno with this lovely lady. She is my other half.

Because we're cheap, college kids, Tim and I spent a lot of time at my Grandparent's house. One night, after failing miserably playing catch, we had a random photo shoot.

Obviously, Tim is better at cartwheels than me.

Tim and I usually have "Lost dates" on Tuesday nights that consist of us watching it individually and discussing it on Ichat during. Spring Break meant that we actually got to watch it together. :)

And of course, we had another photoshoot during the commcercial breaks.

The week I was there was WPA (Women Pay All) week at OC. Basically, the Student Government Association puts on a week of cheap dates for girls to take their man friends on. One of the events was ice skating. For some reason, these were the only two pictures that uploaded from that night:

On Wednesday of Spring Break, we headed to Wichita to see my kiddos from this past summer.

After hanging out with the Westlink kids, Tim and I headed downtown to meet up with my favorite married couple, Grant and Vanessa. We got there early, so of course, we took vain pictures of ourselves. :P

Not quite sure why I don't have any pictures from the end of the week. My best guess would be that we were too busy enjoying being together to take pictures. I'll update soon about Spring Sing and an unfortunate jaw injury that accompanied the children's matinee.

love love love,