DISCLAIMER: Most of what I am about to type will probably be out of emotion and lack of sleep. I will most likely ramble and fail to make any real point. You can't say I didn't warn you.
I signed the official forms needed to graduate in December today. It was exciting. A little frightening, but mostly exciting. My advisor and his secretary cheered (literally) and congratulated me. It was wonderful.
But before I even got home, the excitement subsided. My stupid brain wouldn't let me forget that December is late. December means ANOTHER semester of college. December means six more months away from Tim. December means more debt, homework, and grades.
I'm surrounded by people who were apparently wiser than me and made the right choices. People who didn't follow someone to another school and lose hours of credit. People who knew their major before high school and had mapped out their entire college experience. People who seem to have it all together. People who make me feel like a failure.
I'm not a failure. I know this. I'm confident of this. However, I fight this insecurity regularly. My weakness is comparison and it's impossible to completely overcome it- especially here.
A testament to my current profession, I found comfort in a book intended for preschoolers. My boyfriend's mom (who I'm more than blessed to have) gave me a handful of books for my classroom last Christmas. One of my favorite ones is a short little story called "Ruby in Her Own Time." It's about a little duckling name Ruby who is just a little behind her brother's and sister's milestones, but manages to learn and grow in her own time.
Granted, I'm not learning to walk or fly, but it is a nice thought to consider. I am doing things in my own time AND that's completely okay.