Nov 9, 2009

Blessed

I wish I had a mind to update this more often. Not because it's in high demand or because people are dying to know about my life, but simply because it's therapeutic.

The past four months have been a whirlwind. I look back on them with mostly smiles and a grateful heart. No doubt, I am completely blessed. God has put amazing new people and some very welcomed familiar ones into my life recently and for that, I am thankful. The timing could not have been more perfect. I'm confident of that.

Why?

Because of the storm that hit two weeks ago.

I had found myself exhausted, apathetic, and unmotivated. For those of you who know me, those are quite the opposite of my normal, high-spirited self. After several days of doing nothing but lying in bed, skipping classes, and having a few panic attacks, I finally decided to go to the doctor. Diagnosis? Anxiety and depression.

Is it ridiculous that I thought myself immune to such a thing? I'm the "normal" one in my family. The unmedicated, completely happy-on-her-own-with-no-need-for-medication one. Truth is, I'm not.

Luckily, Dr. J is fantastic and spent a good amount of time explaining that this whole thing has nothing to do with who I am as a person. I had assumed I was to blame for the situation entirely. However, Dr. J explained to me serotonin levels and how whatever is going on in my brain has nothing to do with me as a competent, normal human being. I am now going through the process of figuring out and adjusting to medication. There is a light at the end of this dark tunnel, I know it.

I have to brag on Tim a bit here. He has been such a trooper through this whole experience. Honestly, I was terrified to tell him about this mess at first. Who needs/wants to have to deal with a "crazy" girlfriend? Much to my amazement, he not only took the news well, but has done everything in his power to make me happy. In fact, there have been a few times where he has gotten up super early just to call me to make sure I am up for class and have taken my meds. I truly am blessed. He is an amazing guy.

1 comment:

Shelley said...

Hey Cara...I am so glad Tim is such a pillar of strength to you in your diagnosis. To tell you the truth the poor kid has had to put up with about 10 years of depression with me so he should be a pro at it. I remember when I got pregnant with Erin and I had to go off my medication. I brought the kids in and said, "Now, I had to go of my medication so Momma is going to be weepy, loud and angry sometimes." (Tim was 10, Megan 8 and Abby 5) Tim was shaking his head "yes" because he remembered how I was with Abby. Anyway, if you need anyone to talk about this with, I am here. I remember my sister telling me when I was diagnosed with it that I wasn't praying hard enough. I was SO angry at that. If you don't have it, you don't realize how bad it is and how uncontrollable (at least in my case). Keep your chin up! The medicine will make it all better...that is why God allowed us to invent it, right?